Paid the Cost

Update: Comments disabled due to too many spam comments having to do with pharmacy stuff.

So the people over at AffiliatePrograms.com are having a little contest to see who has the pimpest office. The winner gets four large (that is four thousand for you non pimps). I know that the current entrants are thinking that they have it in the bag, but all of that is about to change my friends.

Let this jam play in the background as you read this. If you have kids in the room you might not want to play that song. But keep in mind the following post is not as effective without it.

Let’s start with little “Pimpology 101″. This is not a class taught in school, but it is something that must be learned at some point in every young pimps life. Let’s begin with the basic definition of the word “pimp”.

Here is a great definition I found from an official dictionary.

Now down here in the ATL… we know a thing or two about pimpin’. Most people think being a pimp is all about mackin’ hoes and all that, but trust me when I say that there is much more to it. Being a pimp is about lookin’ fresh and clean. It’s about being smooth. It’s about being a player and not letting anything phase you. Smackin up skeezers is just something that sort of comes with the territory.

Anyways…

In order to be a pimp, you have to have an office. You need a command center to keep track of your estate. Below is a prime example. As you can see I have two monitors in order to keep track of my hoes (which are equipped with GPS beacons). Proper technology is a must in the game. Some pimps have to go around and collect money from their hoes. I say why not automate that… I have equipped every hoe with a satellite linked credit card terminal which automatically places all the funds into my bank account. I have said too much already. Just check out this pic of my pimpin’ station.

Now every pimp has to watch his back and be ready to evade attacking pimps at any moment. It is for this reason that I have a secret compartment right by the pimp command center which holds a few key items such as… guns, chewing gum, laptop, spare jewelry, cell phone, lube, fly sneakers, and other various things a pimp might need when fleeing. See an example below. In the first pic, take notice of the seemingly innocent rage poster next to the whiteboard.

Now see the secret compartment revealed by lifting the poster out of the way… notice how it contains a pimp’s bare necessities? This was not an accident my friends.

Sometimes a pimp has to take a nap…that’s just how it is, and it is for this reason that I have placed a bed in my office. Some of you haters out there will say that I have an office in my bedroom, but actually I just happen to have a bed in my office. In true pimp fashion, it is equipped with the finest linens of all the world. See the picture so you can have something to hate on. Just to clarify, that is a hand woven, 1000 thread count snowman sheet. (pops collar)

What kind of pimp would you be if you didn’t have an extravagant aquarium full of poisonous fish in your office? I think we know the answer to that one. Below is the most pimpin’ reef tank in ATL… it’s helps me clear my mind of all my hoe’s drama and focus on that paper chase.

I have just given you all a free glimpse into my pimp palace. No go on and get the hell on. Forever pimpin, never slippin, that’s how it is.