Paid the Cost

Note: Don’t believe everything you read on the internet.

Everyone is always looking for a way to jump ahead of the crowd, step out in front, and pioneer a cash cow before anyone else even realizes what is happening. While we should all shoot for the stars, at some point you need to do a reality check. That is no fun though. Sitting around hoping to hit it big with your next idea is more fun that sitting around grinding it out trying to build a steady foundation of income. Lucky for you I am about to make it all possible… with these five affiliate miracles that will change everything.

You see… tonight I was browsing through my top secret database of affiliate ideas, and I came across a few “things” that I absolutely had to share with everyone in order to cement my place in the history books of affiliate marketing. Screw learning a thing. Throw out your copy of SEO book. Unsubscribe from all of those blogs. Stop writing content. Stop doing link exchanges… because I have a list of shortcuts that will put you where you want to be… the top.

#1 - Get 13 Million Backlinks - For only $19.95 you can have 13 million backlinks and easily rank for terms like viagra, cialis, xanax, porn, sex, boobs, poker, casinos, etc. I can’t believe someone is selling this… what an IDIOT. He should keep these priceless secrets to himself. I went ahead and bought the ebook, and I am already using this priceless knowledge to get billions of links to this blog.

#2 - 100,000 Targeted Hits - I think this one speaks for itself. Get up to 100,000 hits to your site for only $149. For you mathematicians out there that is only .00149 cents per click! Now you can finally promote all of those shitty offers that pay $1-$2 per lead! Ask SweatSedo Affiliate about this service, and he will personally tell you how great it is. (He is the genius who discovered this hidden gem years ago while searching Google for ways to increase traffic)

#3 - Link Swapping Networks - Since I know you won’t be satisfied with just 13,000,000 backlinks I thought I would include this amazing service that has helped many a webmaster rank #1 for super competitive search phrases. Pretty much you sign up and PAY for the privilege to do link exchanges with any site possible. I almost didn’t even want to post this one, but I feel it is my duty to convey proper seo knowledge to my fellow affiliates. Thank me later.

#4 - Article Submission Software - I remember about two years ago when I discovered this amazing software. For only $50 dollars it will submit the exact same article (containing your links of course) to thousands of article directories on the web! Your articles will be placed right along side some of the best written pharmacy and porn gibberish that I have ever seen. This is another way to get tons of free backlinks, and it definitely tells Google that your site should rank number one for that big money search phrase. Note: Great for building a stellar link profile.

#5 - Article “Spinning” Software - Why write lot’s of different unique articles when you can turn one article into hundreds? Combine this tip with #4 and you will have so much “laser targeted” traffic your site you won’t be able to see straight. Google loves fresh unique content, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that the more different articles you send into cyberspace containing your links, the more important your website looks to the search engines. I mean… seriously. What better way to increase your site’s exposure than by tossing hundreds of “unique” new pages containing links to your site into the index? This one is a real no brainer!

There you have it. Those are the only tips you need in order to make a ton of cash online doing absolutely nothing. It is that easy.

Note: This is not a serious post. Please don’t email me telling me how ridiculous I am. Also…sorry for uncovering all of these great secrets as I am sure it will cost some affiliates hundreds of pennies. My apologies.